Is it supposed to burn like this?
Last week while waiting for a prescription to get filled, I wandered around the health care aisles near the pharmacy. Stopping in the toothbrush aisle to pick up some replacement heads for Dan's power brush, I started looking at the tooth whitening products. I've used the Crest White Strips in the past and while I didn't have any real complaints (other than the bitter taste of the gel if you accidentally swallowed it), I started looking at the whiteners that came in pre-filled, pre-shaped trays. This looked so much easier and the model looked so happy to be using them! That should've been my first warning.
While they'd been sitting on the kitchen counter for a week, I finally remembered to use them yesterday. Putting them in gave me visions of being at the dentist when they take molds of your teeth. These are bad visions: putty going everywhere, gagging non-stop, yeah...I had those visions. Working through this images, I popped them in and started timing for 30 minutes out. Not 5 minutes had gone by when I realized I hated these things. My entire mouth was filled to the brim with spit and because of the "awesome" trays, I couldn't do anything about it. Determined to persevere through the spit that was now threatening to creep out of every place imaginable in my mouth, I hopped in the shower. I tried getting some of the spit out but that was near impossible and all it did was run down my chin. Attractive.
I was certain I only had a few minutes left by the time I got out of the shower but this was not the case. I had about 15 left. I didn't dare get dressed and risk drooling spit and whitening gel all over my clothes so I just stood around in my bathroom. I also learned you can't even speak with the stupid things in after my mom poked her head in to ask me something. This prompted a waterfall of foam, spit and gel dribbling down my chin like a, well um, a waterfall. It was not attractive but it certainly gave my mom a good laugh. At least someone was enjoying it. As the minute hand passed the 30 minute mark, I whipped those puppies out. Well, whipped is rather generous considering the amount of stuff that came out with them. I looked like I had rabies. I rinsed and scrubbed and spat and hacked. That was disgusting. And now my gums and the roof of my mouth were burning and tingly. Pretty sure that's not supposed to happen. And not planning on letting it happen again. I promptly walked them back to Target and got my $17.99 plus tax back. I'll stick with the strips...much less rabies-esque activity going on.
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