Mandy's Musings

New photography blog!

While my old photog blog has kept me mildly satisfied for the time being, I thought it was time to upgrade and go for something with a little more pizazz or zhush, if you will.

There's a whole new layout with lots of color (yay!) and a whole new address.  But in the meantime, here's a little snippet of what's in store.  Enjoy!



UPDATE: The new blog is up and ready to go so head over to www.mandalayimagesblog.com from now on to check out all that Mandalay Images has been up to!



Fake isn't always great

Most people don't know that I'm not a born and bred Colorado chica.  No, I was actually born in Oklahoma.  Yee haw.  Not a horrible place to live...if you like heat, humidity and tornadoes on a daily basis.  Then yeah, it's your place!  But while Oklahoma may not be my cup of tea now, we did have a pool in our backyard and we all used that thing like it was going out of style.  So while I was perfecting my cannonballs and Olympic-esque backstroke (um, yeah right), I was also getting extremely tan.  So tan in fact that my mom thought I was naturally darker complected than my super fair, blond haired cherubesque younger brother.  This thought lasted until we moved to Colorado where there was snow of all things and no pool in the backyard.  **Little note for the non-Coloradoans...pools in backyards here are very uncommon.  Well, this meant that my tan started fading and my mom then realized I was truly the pasty Irish-English child I wasn't meant to be.  Or as she put it, "as pale as a blade of grass that's been under a board all winter."  Great.

Jump forward to summer of 2010.  Prior to heading to the east coast to work with the hubs, I'd been going to a salon to get weekly spray tans.  Call me vain if you want but I like to be tan.  I personally feel better about myself...so there.  I wish I could say that I'm confident in my pasty self but I'm not.  So while Denver had a bevy of spray tan salons, northeastern Pennsylvania did not.  And the one that I did hunt down had no idea what she was doing and sprayed my feet a color that was more akin to Michael Jackson pre 15 dozen surgeries.  So I bit the bullet and went to an actual tanning place.  I was totally breaking my own cardinal rule of no tanning beds after having a bout with skin cancer on my leg that left a scar similar to being gnawed on by a dog.  But I was only going to go a few times just to get a good base and then I'd be good!  Which is true.  But one problem.......my legs flat out refused to get any color.  They wouldn't budge from their pasty Irish-English roots.  That's what I was most interested in getting tan anyhow!  Sure, my stomach was pretty dark but it's not like I walk around rocking crop tops so it was a bit of a waste.  I bought 2 different kinds of tanning lotions guaranteed to tan the "hard to tan" areas.  Mmmm hmmm.  Nada.  Zilch.

What's a girl to do?  It was time for plan D in the form of self tanner lotion.  I wasn't expecting any miracles given my past disappointing experiences with them but this time, oh this time I found me a winner!  The Banana Boat Summer Color must have changed their formula since I used it last because it rocks.  My legs were "just got back from 3 months in Cabo" dark after just one application.  And no streaks!  Yes, it's an odd combo but I'm gonna roll with it.



In my "research" for this post, I came across some images of folks that may have abused the tanning a little bit.  Maybe.  Just a little bit.  But hey, what do I know?!?

 Please tell me they're doing a parody of Jersey Shore because otherwise I may just faint.


 Hmmm, so many things in this picture deserve a comment but oh where to start!

 If only she hadn't put those last 5 layers on her face, everything else would be acceptable.

 I'm utterly speechless.  Don't even know where to begin.

The long winter's nap is over

This poor little blog has been a little neglected.  Oh there's been plenty going on in my life the last 3 months but I wasn't sure how to put it all into words as I was a little ferklempt about everything.  So...where to begin.  Go back to mid April when things were rolling along smoothly and the hubby got a call from his (and mine too) old boss, offering us both a job doing what we used to with a pretty decent pay raise.  And he needed an answer by the end of the day.  Oh okay!  Trying to decide if you're going to uproot your life in just a few hours kinda makes you a little stressed.  But the pros did outweigh the cons and we made plans to pack up and head East.  Leaving the job I had was a no-brainer as it was beyond horrible as far as working conditions go but I was sad to be leaving all the great things behind: friends, family, our church and my photography business was starting to take off.  But with this job opportunity would come financial security; something the job I was leaving didn't and wouldn't offer.  And financial security is pretty attractive if you ask me!

We've been out here in Pennsylvania since early May and there have been moments where I've been veeery tempted to pack my car back up and head west.  It's very humid here...and I hate humidity.  We are living in a motel room and are literally just at an exit off the highway in the middle of nowhere.  People and drivers out here are beyond aggressive and rude.  So yes, I miss home a lot.  But I'm keeping the big picture in focus, have my Big Girl Pants on and am just going with the flow for now.

30 years of greatness

April 15th...it's synonomous with a few not-so-great dates: Abe Lincoln's death, the Titanic sinking, and of course...Tax Day!  But it also shares the day with one pretty sweet (in my not so humble opinion), my birthday!  April 15, 2010 marked my 30th birthday.  That's right...30.  Three-zero.  Wow, kinda makes me feel a little old.  But at the same time, it doesn't.  I've accomplished a lot in my 30 years on the ole planet and I'm at a great place in my life so who the heck cares what the number is???  I have a superbly amazing husband who I absolutely adore and admire, a wonderful family (both biological and of the in-law variety), a great group of friends, a sweet if not neurotic dog, a photography business that is building pretty quickly.  Yeah, life pretty much is going swimmingly.  So, here's to a great 30 years ol' girl and to the next 30...you rock!

Product review


It's not very often that I buy something that leaves me compelled to really complain about it.  Sure, I've bought things that I don't like but it's more of an "eh, whatever" kinda moment.  However, I've made a couple purchases recently that have left me in a state of "I will never buy this again...even if it's on sale for a penny!"  They're that bad.



The first thing is Cottonelle Bath Tissue.  Who calls it bath tissue?  It's toilet paper folks!  Let's stop trying to be PC and call it what it is!  I originally bought it because A) it was on super sale and B) who doesn't love the super cute Lab puppy in all the commercials?  Personally I think they could get a better voice over than Zach Braff but that's neither here nor there.  It says it has aloe and ripples and all over sorts of features.  Can't be bad, right?  Wrong.  This stuff is not durable at all.  Don't even try and think of blowing your nose with this stuff because it rips and you end up with nasal juices all over your hands.  Yes, I blow my nose with toilet paper when I'm too lazy to search the house for the one tissue box we have.  Also, it leaves those dastardly toilet paper lint balls all over.  Case in point: I use toilet paper to remove mascara remnants off my eyelash curler. (Yes, I curl my lashes AFTER I put mascara on...it's the only way they stay curled)  When I then go to curl me lashes, I'm left with little white clumps of toilet paper in my lashes.  Not the glam look I'm going for.  The hubby is a HUGE fan of Cottonelle but since I'm the one who does all the grocery/superstore shopping, we're going with Charmin.  Big fan and it's nose-blowing safe.


Up next is the Neutrogena Wave face cleaner do-hickie.  This little gadget is the vibrating face cleanser.  One blogger I follow just bought the Clarisonic face cleaner and raves about it but at $199, that's a little out of my price range...especially for something that washes my face!  I know it's supposed to do wonders for your skin but I'm not dropping a couple of Benjamins on it.  So I decided to give the Wave a try after reading mainly positive reviews and it's definitely more in the Mandy price range of $13.  Throw in a $4 off coupon and I was the proud owner of the blue Wave.  I wanted the hot pink one but whatever.  It came with 14 face cleaning pads that are filled with cleanser that are supposed to foam up when activated by water and off you go vibrating over your lil face.  You may have seen the commercials and the girl's face is covered in foam!  Not exactly the case with the real life version.  I saw one pencil-eraser sized bubble on my face.  To say I was disappointed was an understatement.  I did, however, take a cue from one of the not-so-positive reviews I read on the Wave and put my own cleanser on the pad and it worked much better.  I even put a little exfoliater on the pads and vibrate away.  I'm not sure if I'll buy more of the pads when I run out...it just seems like a waste. 

So there you have it...a couple-a products that I think are a big drop in the bucket.  In the words of Reading Rainbow..."but you don't have to take my word for it."





Time well spent?

I've taken a much needed and enjoyed break from blogging, aside from my photography blog, which is always going to be updated. But this personal one took a backseat for awhile. A month ago, I was dealing with some issues, if you want to call them that, and taking the time to deal with them and put the keyboard to rest was what I needed. I was blessed with meeting someone (not romantically, sheesh!) that helped put me back on track to a happier self. While I know that it isn't as easy as a snap of the fingers, I have noticed a big difference in how I'm handling things and my overall outlook on things. Basically, I'm getting back to how I was. Yeah, I still have "moments" where I get annoyed and mad but that's life. I didn't morph into Rainbow Brite...I just got rid of some demons on my back.


With that being said, I've become extremely aware of the amount of Negative Nancies running around. Good grief, were they always around or am I just noticing them now that I'm feeling happier? One blog in particular I follow (and have been for over a year now) has quite possibly the biggest bunch of haters following her blog. And they're taking it to a beyond low level: calling her a bad mother, saying she's a greedy child-exploiting monger, bringing to light domestic issues she had with her husband, and the list goes on and on. Yes, you get to "know" someone through their blog but my word, get a life! What I find funny and ironic is the nay sayers go on and on ad nauseum about how much they dislike her and call her basically a lying human being; that they don't like the way she writes things or what she posts. If you hate her so much, why are you taking the time to follow her blog and comment on her goings on? And it's HER blog...not yours folks. I think she can write whatever she wants...or I may be wrong...you do know her better! Have you nothing better to do than try and make her feel as miserable as you obviously feel? My only guess is that these people are so unhappy in their own life that they feel it's their "calling" to try and bring her down to their miserable level. Seriously, how much time do you have on your hands? I'd love some of that free time! Okay...rant over :)

Now I'm going back to my life that I feel is blessed and for which I'm extremely thankful for! Peace out Murky Dismal!

Am I there yet?

They say that, that which does not kill you makes you stronger. Who is "they"? I can't remember right now but there are times I want to call they up and say, really? What did you go through? My wise mother, who has given me years of insight and advice, once told me, the Lord won't give you more than you can handle. And while I believe her, or maybe it's just want to believe her, I'm ready to throw my hands up and say 'Mercy!' I want to say, Lord, I can't take much more...I'm at my breaking point!...Please give me a break, cut me some slack, let me love life again and be happy. It hasn't been until just recently that I realized I'm just a shell of my former self. Man, I was fun, light-hearted, entertaining, always doing something dumb because it seemed fun. I even used to get complimented on my smile all the time. Wow, I can't even remember the last time that happened...mainly because I don't do it much anymore. Or that on the occasions I start laughing and smiling really hard, it doesn't take much to make my cheeks hurt because those smile muscles don't get used much lately. How sad is that? It finally came to me why I'd turned into this shell of a person who constantly suffers from chest pains because she's so stressed.

Now while this is my blog and I'm usually brutally honest, there are some things that I just can't fully divulge here. There are a very few select people who know it all and I trust them implicitly not to discuss it with anyone other than us. This post is raw and honest and I'm sorry if you're shocked at some things said but this is me and what I'm trying to fix. That being said, I'd say things started to go downhill (for lack of a better term) during the last months of 2006. I decided to move to Denver to get a "real job" and was initially stoked to get a great paying job that allowed me to travel, keep busy and also allowed me the opportunity to meet this amazing guy from Michigan. And while I was ecstatic with the new relationship I was in, I was also in a working environment that no one should ever have to deal with: blatant sexual harassment, ending up in the hospital with pneumonia because I'd worked 4 months straight with no days off and wasn't allowed to rest when sick, constantly being told I was worthless and sub-par by my boss even though the work I was doing was top-notch and executives at companies were telling me the exact opposite. Why did I stay? Well, I had bills and there weren't any jobs running around with a comparable salary and I wasn't willing to be homeless and car-less. So I stuck it out and kept my eye out for something better. During the spring of 2007, my company went bankrupt and we were all laid off. I remember crying at the time because, who likes losing a job even if your boss is the devil incarnate? But if was a blessing in disguise and I quickly found another job that paid better and for once I was in an atmosphere where I was treated decently and while I wasn't curing cancer or doing rocket science, I enjoyed my job.

Life seemed to be stabilizing a bit and my relationship with Mr. Wonderful was progressing to the point where we were making plans for him to move to Colorado to be with me. Finally. After all the phone calls and text message bills so out of control that even I'm amazed I managed to sneak them into my weekly expense report (shhhh, I know it wasn't right but I justified it by putting up with a boss who commented on my butt and chest size), we were going to be together. 2 weeks before he was supposed to arrive, I got the news that he'd been given the opportunity to work for a company that would pay really well...in Indiana. I was crushed. I don't think I had cried that hard since being dumped by my last boyfriend and that guy takes the Eternal Award for D-bag Boyfriends. I was convinced that this was the end of us and this was his way out. Hey, being in an endless series of relationships with major jerks tends to make you not believe Mr. Wonderful when he tells you he's taking the job so he can save money for our future family. I was hurt that he'd "chosen his job over me" and it made me a wee bit (read: hugely) on the bitter side. It affected our relationship greatly and I did make the decision that if when my lease was up on September of 2008 and we weren't making plans of somehow being together everyday, I couldn't do it anymore. It didn't have anything to do with my not loving him, it was the exact opposite. It literally broke my heart every time I had to drive to the airport to drop him off from his latest visit and drive back home or to work in a sobbing mess, feeling like my heart had been ripped out. I just couldn't take the heartache anymore. Call it any ultimatum if you want, I don't. I wasn't saying 'pick me or your job'. I was saying that the long-distance was too damn hard on me and I just wasn't strong enough to continue on with it with no end in sight. I don't know of any couple that would enjoy a long-distance relationship where there's no plan of being together.

Fast forward to July 2008 and arrangements had been made for me to come and work with Mr. Wonderful in Indiana. I was more than a little scared to go, to be honest. I'd uprooted my life before for boyfriends and those crashed and burned. Here I was leaving great friends, a great job that I loved, a house (albeit a rental) I loved living in, I'd have to leave my dog. And all I could think about was if I left it all behind, how did I know that things would work out with Mr. Wonderful and he wouldn't dump me in the land of the Hoosiers? I didn't. I was just scared to put myself out there again. But like my once-again wise mama said, "he isn't like D-bag Numero uno...I just know he wouldn't do that to you." And so I trusted that it would be okay, that we'd be okay. And we were. We got engaged, started planning a wedding and making plans to eventually move back to Colorado to get away from the hotel-dwelling lifestyle we were in. However, that happened a lot sooner than we were expecting when I was laid off and he 2 weeks later due to the tanking economy. We decided to go to the courthouse and get legally married, all the while still planning for the mountain ceremony in the fall. I found a job right away but I admit I took it in desperation. We'd socked away quite a pretty penny for the wedding and I didn't want to go through it all while waiting for a job. So I took a job that paid me substantially less than any job I'd had in the last 3 years. While I was excited for this new job at first for how greatly they helped those in need, it soon became clear that some of the employees felt no need to treat employees with respect. Instead, talking to you like you were a mentally challenged 5-year old was more the norm. Let me tell ya, dealing with that everyday for almost a year gets to you. While it initially seemed easy to leave your work problems at work and head home to your husband, getting that treatment all day, everyday wears on you. You become bitter. You have a very short fuse. You snap at people and are swearing waaaay more often than you should. Where you once used to take pride in your work, you now could care less because some coworkers think you're stupid and suck regardless so what's the point of trying to do a good job? And then you call in sick one day when you're really not sick but in fact you're taking a self-prescribed Mental Health Day because you know your mental health isn't doing so hot and the term "going postal" doesn't seem too far off.

Then just a short month after the actual wedding, Mr. Wonderful gets the news that his current job is going to drastically reduce his pay to what most high-schoolers make and gets a job offer from our former employer that he really couldn't pass up. The economy was getting worse and there were no good jobs to be had. So off he went to the east coast and I stayed behind. And again I was wrought with the why's. Why couldn't the job be here in Colorado? Why did he have to leave a month after our wedding? Why couldn't I just get to be with the one person I wanted to be with the most? Why do I have to be separated from my husband of a month? I was mad, mad at everything. Which turned into everyone. And I felt lost, disconnected. Call it depressed if you will but lost seemed to fit better.

Now I'm pretty sure I've realized how I've become this person. I've been dealing with constant high-stress since the summer of 2006. The things I've listed may seem trivial to you but like I said earlier, there are things that have gone on that I am not listing here and they trump all of the things I did list. Anyway, high-stress since the summer of oh-six. I'm no psychologist but dealing with such high-stress non-stop for over 3 years can change a person. It can turn you into a mess. I've finally reached the point where I can't take it anymore. No no no, I'm not talking about hopping in the bathtub with a butter knife and a handful of Prozac. I'm talking about weeding out the stresses in my life in hopes of getting Me back. Some may be easy, some could be extremely difficult but I feel I've reached my breaking point so I have to try. I want to again find joy in the things that gave me joy, to get rid of the constant anxiety and chest pains. To find who I was.